This article about a volunteer’s experience at  Sneha’s Care Animal Shelter, which is located in Nepal, was originally seen on the blog The Search of the Hummingbird. The writer has given permission to have the piece posted on The Voluntourist.

By Laura Yates

At the moment, as I start to write, I feel like this past week has undone all the good vibes and feelings, peace and calm I have generated over the past few months. I know it isn’t the case, but I still need to process the week properly, which is why I decided to write about it…This is not a pretty blog post, it is still raw and real, despite me trying to censor it… so I hope you can read it for what it is.

From the moment I arrived at Sneha’s Care Animal Shelter it was non-stop. I could have taken more breaks, from the cleaning, physical work and dog feeding. But I think if I had stopped a little longer than necessary I would have had to stop, think and feel. And doing that would have been far too heartbreaking.

RELATED: See what it’s like to volunteer at Sneha’s Care–one of the largest animal rescues in Nepal

In my mind I kept thinking, shit has to get done, and some people are standing around watching others work, but the dogs need this shit to be done! Some of the staff at Sneha’s Care Animal Shelter (particularly two inspiring women, Nana and Kamala) worked their arses off.  So first I thought that I didn’t stop working because I felt guilty for taking even the tiniest break, while they worked. But I think, in hindsight, I didn’t want to stop and let my mind and heart catch up. I didn’t want to be mindful and present, because it would have made the heartache too real.

Beautiful dog at Sneha’s Care Animal Shelter
Photo courtesy of Laura Yates

Sneha’s care Animal Shelter  was having its bi-annual vet camp while we were there; twice a year, for two weeks “World Vet’s” sets up a camp to assist with spaying, neutering, vaccinations, surgeries etc. A great job they did, but it did mean that a lot of the permanent staff were busy with the camp and not the usual shelter duties. It was a good week to be able to volunteer in the short-staffed shelter, but also exhausting. Each day literally rolled into the next, sleep, eat, feed dogs, clean shelter, wash dog bowls, walk dogs, hang washed blankets, feed dogs, put blankets out and dogs to bed, shower, eat, crash, repeat.

If I had a moment during the day, I would go to each “dog run” and do Reiki in the area. I would also spend time giving Reiki to the injured and sick dogs or take time to love and cuddle some of the 200 dogs in Sneha’s Care Animal Shelter. Some 100% healthy, some scared and injured, some paralyzed, some happy three-legged hounds, they were all there and in need of something.

On the second day at Sneha’s Car Animal Shelter Nana asked me to help prepare the dog food. It required sticking my hands in a giant pot of watery rice and squashing the big lumps of rice in between my fingers to break them up. I started to gag, I am really not good with mushy food, particularly soggy carbs. At that moment, I looked up at all the little furry souls in the shelter, some barking, some wagging their tails, some looking rather sad, and I reminded myself to think of my intention, the souls I was doing it for. Being mindful of the task at hand was not going to be possible, so I focused my mind on the motivation instead. A helpful tactic indeed.

Dogs hanging out at Sneha’s Care Animal Shelter
Photo courtesy of Laura Yates

Most evenings the three of us volunteers would get back to the volunteer house that Sneha’s Care Animal Shelter provides, change out of our very dirty and smelly clothes, shower, eat Dhal Bhat (a giant plate of rice, some watery dhal and some curried veggies – lovely the first few times…but twice daily got a bit much) and then we would climb into bed with a cup of black tea and some chocolate that we bought from the nearby grocery store (this was our little bit of comfort).

On our fourth day, we arrived to find that one of the puppies (with two broken legs) and another ill dog with serious mange, both had passed away during the night. Seeing one of the other dogs (bandaged up, with an ear missing) looking very sad, resting it’s head on the still body of the mange dog was the end of us volunteers. I just pulled myself together and worked harder, to the extent that I decided that carrying 30kg bags of frozen chicken up a flight of stairs (4 times) was a great way to distract myself. But during the day each of us took a moment to ourselves to shed a little tear. It was a tough reality in the shelter, we didn’t talk about it much, but I think we all felt the same. That evening we decided to get creative and make some dog toys from some of our old clothes, we did this while eating chocolate and listening to Christmas carols. The first little reminder that December is around the corner, and I like to think that it lifted our spirits just a little.

It wasn’t all sad and tough. The three of us volunteers had some good laughs, particularly on the days where we got a lift from the volunteer house to the shelter (or back) in the dog ambulance. With Hari the driver and a vet technician, 5 of us squashed in the front of the ambulance, made for a cosy trip. Or when we felt the freedom of the evening dusty air, riding to the house on the back of the motorcycles with some of the staff. We also had some hilarious conversations over our twice daily portions of Dhal Bhat. It was a good experience to immerse ourselves within the daily lives of the Nepali people.

Besides that one day, I did not shed a tear, I don’t think I allowed myself to fully process the things I saw and felt; The sad hazel eyes of Germany, the immobile German Shepard with a nerve problem, looking up at me saying “please help me, I’m in such pain”. The nudging against my arm of little Ellie, the amputee, with the biggest heart, just wanting to be near me. The squeaky bark of Tink, the skinny 8 week old puppy, who never wanted to be alone. The half closed eyes of the new dog that arrived, so old, shivering and scared. The sad sad eyes of the dog that arrived with a head injury and a missing ear… even the sparkly eyes of the now healthy dogs, so ready to be adopted and loved, and in need of exercise and freedom….

Tink and Germany at Sneha’s Care Animal Shelter
Photo courtesy of Laura Yates

But now, as I write this, I feel like I can start to feel, and I feel so much. I feel helpless for these precious souls, what karma brought them into such a life?

I feel anger at the number of people who got dogs for their homes (because they wanted to live up to the neighbors), only to realize that dogs are hard work, need time and cost money, and then kick them out on the street. (And this doesn’t only happen in Nepal).

I feel confusion about the controversial topic of euthanasia. There are some paralyzed dogs in Sneha’s Care Animal Shelter that seem pretty happy with life, but there are some sick and paralyzed dogs that just look sad and in pain, who makes the decision of what is right and wrong?

I also feel irritation at the lazy resident vet, standing around barking orders to us to do things, when he could have made himself much more useful, with his veterinarian skills, tending to the sick and wounded dogs, that occasionally got neglected by him,

I thought to myself, where on earth are all those feelings of compassion and good vibes that I have accumulated over the past few months? I honestly could go back to Phool Chatti Ashram in Rishikesh and just hide and re-heal all over again.

At the time when I needed it most, I did not meditate or do yoga, I just went into autopilot, ignoring the fact that being disciplined in my self practice is always crucial for my mental, spiritual, physical and emotional heath.

Little Ellie at Sneha’s Care Animal Shelter
Photo courtesy of Laura Yates

This is not a pretty blog post, nor does it flow particularly well. But it highlights the terrible way in which so many humans disregard the tender hearts and souls of animals, how they think they can just toss dogs out when they become an inconvenience, is beyond me. However, it also highlights that there is some kindness left in humanity, the volunteers, and the hard working staff at Sneha’s Care Animal Shelter, give me hope that there are people in the world that still have empathy and compassion. A particular event reminded me just how much unconditional love dogs have to give. I was holding Putchi, a little white fur ball, while she got her wound dressing changed. She kept trying to bite me, so we had to put a muzzle on her for a brief moment while Kamala changed her dressing. As soon as we were done, dear little Putchi nuzzled her nose between my waist and my elbow, all forgiving and ready to love again.

Volunteer Laura Yates Snuggling Putchi, and ear licking by another pooch at Sneha’s Care Animal Shelter
Photo courtesy of Laura Yates

It also highlights the importance of a daily meditation practice for myself. Staying in touch with the power of Now, with my body and my feelings, while maintaining the discipline of a calm and peaceful mind, is essential for my health.

As I write this, Moira, a fellow volunteer, at Sneha’s Care Animal Shelter, has just sent me videos of dear little Tink, joyfully playing with her new homemade toys… This is when I remind myself; a lot of us get truly overwhelmed and despondent by the negative state of this world, but if we each take time to do something positive, focusing on one kind and compassionate task at a time, we may make a difference even if it is just to one precious soul at a time…

Tink and her new toy at Sneha’s Care Animal Shelter
Photo courtesy of Laure Yates