Tag Archives: survivor

Sexual assault survivor launches new app Restless Network to help other women

Sexual assault survivor Olivia DeRamus launches Restless Network –a new app to help other women.

By Heather Newgen

At the age of 19, Olivia DeRamus was sexually assaulted on her college campus. After filing a complaint with the American university, her attacker sued her for defamation, claiming millions of dollars in damages. Although an adjudicator ruled her in favor, the man took the case to court, which dragged on for years. During this time, DeRamus was legally forced not to talk about the situation and felt silenced. As a result, she came up with the idea to create a place for women’s voices to be heard and offer resources for sexual assault. She is speaking out about her story and exclusively talked to The Voluntourist.

The Voluntourist: What inspired you to start Restless Network?

Olivia DeRamus: Restless is intended to empower women through information and connection as well as provide a platform for women to tell their stories. For most of my adult life, the person who sexually assaulted me in college was suing me for defamation. During this time, I was extremely isolated and had trouble finding help. I had always been a big fan of traditional women’s publications but when I experienced these difficult life events, I realized that these publications didn’t necessarily provide the information I truly needed to find empowerment again. I also couldn’t help but think of how there are endless apps for dating, but no real safe space to reach out to other women online. No one wants to talk about their mental health in an Instagram comment that’s open for any troll to see! So I really envisioned the Restless Network as a new type of product that goes beyond the traditional publication model. Still providing actually helpful resources and articles, but also providing a space for the members of our community to use their voice and ask for advice in a way that feels safe and supported.

The Voluntourist: Did you feel there was a lack of resources for women?

Olivia DeRamus: Absolutely. And I also felt that the resources that are there, while well meaning and are often helpful, aren’t very engaging or inviting. When you’re going through something terrible like sexual assault, would you rather scroll through Google search or turn to a space that’s been created to make you feel comfortable and embraced? And there are also a lot of questions that I don’t think traditional publications are willing to discuss. Finding pleasure after trauma, or how to tell your parents what happened to you are some examples. And maybe a corporate, male led publishing company doesn’t recognize those issues, but we do. And I think that’s really important in creating a true resource for women.

The Voluntourist: You have so many amazing contributors to Restless how did you decide who to join the network? Were you a fan before you asked them to contribute?

Olivia DeRamus: I think I got really lucky with people reaching out to me! Before I started Restless, I was working in non profits and finishing my undergrad. I wasn’t really tapped into the zeitgeist and so I was just really excited to get as many voices involved as possible. I never wanted it to be just my perspective. Especially as for a while I didn’t have the ability to express myself at all. The women and non-binary folks who contributed at the beginning were allowing me an opportunity to say something by publishing their words, and that was really wonderful. Ultimately, if someone has a story to tell or an ability to help the Restless community, I’m excited to work with them! Our contributors are such a talented and caring group of people, and I feel really lucky to work with them.

The Voluntourist: What has the response been like since the Restless Network app launched?

Olivia DeRamus: The response has been overwhelmingly positive, which is just a dream come true. A lot of entrepreneurs will know that feeling of working for months on a project, all the while unsure if anyone will care! Happily, people do care and are actually already benefiting from it, which is our ultimate mission achieved. In just two weeks we reached over 1,100 active users, and it keeps growing day by day. Seeing members opening up across all our community feeds, from bad breakups to quarantine stress, and actually receiving really thoughtful advice and help from other women going through similar experiences, never stops being beautiful to me. Today someone even told me they’ve made friends after moving to London alone, just by using the app!

The Voluntourist: What would you like users to gain from joining Restless Network ?

Olivia DeRamus:  My hope is that users are able to find a community that they feel safe and heard in. In an increasingly isolated world, with the female experience often being isolating in itself, I think it’s really important to have a way to stay connected to others no matter what 2020 and beyond throws at us. I also hope that if they have a problem, whether it has to do with mental health, sex & relationships, work and money, or #metoo related issues – that they’ll be able to turn to the app for a resource that can help them. In short, I want them to be empowered by their interactions with other members and the content we provide. Restless is what I wish I had access to when I was younger and looking for support, so I hope that it helps others going through similar experiences.

For more information visit www.restlessmagazine.net.

Real Life “Dirty John” Survivor Terra Newell Shares Tips on Surviving a Knife Attack

Terra Newell killed her mom’s husband in self-defense, stabbing him 13 times while her dog Cash bit his ankles trying to protect her. Now she’s sharing her tips on how she survived.

By: Heather Newgen

Three years ago John Meehan, known as “Dirty John,” was killed by his stepdaughter Terra Newell after he attacked her at knifepoint. His long history of scamming and abusing women was documented in the Los Angeles Times and later in a Bravo series and podcast of the same name.

In an exclusive interview for The Voluntourist, Terra Newell talks about her terrifying experience and gives tips on how to fight back in a knife attack that might help save your life.

Terra Newell Terra Newell with her dogs PHOTO COURTESY NIKKI RYAN PHOTOGRAPHY

“Do you remember me,”  Meehan said as he grabbed her from behind and tried to force Terra Newell into the trunk of his car.

“John didn’t want to look me in the eyes. He didn’t want to engage in conservation with me. I wasn’t beneficial to him so he needed to get rid of me,” she revealed.

And that’s exactly what he tried to do. Meehan waited for Terra Newell at her apartment building in Newport Beach, Calif. After she parked her car and opened the door to let her dog Cash out, she was blindsided and had to fight for her life.

“I don’t realize that he was stabbing me at first because the knife is in a Del Taco bag,” she explained. “So I think he’s punching me and he keeps on trying to grab me, put his hand over my mouth. I bite as hard as I can. And I just keep trying to get away from him,” she told The Voluntourist.

RELATED: “Dirty John” Real Life Survivor Terra Newell Reveals 6 Red Flags to Look Out for in Relationships

“The knife lands into an ice pick position,” she said. “I picked it up and I just start wailing back on him. And then he falls on top of me. “My dog’s attacking his ankles at this point too,” she said.

“I’m pushing him off on me but I’m holding his head because I don’t want him to bite me,” Newell recalled. “And so I push him off of me with holding his head … I thought I don’t want him to wake up and just try to hurt me again because I think he’ll try to kill me again.”

Newell stabbed her assailant 13 times and used skills she learned from her favorite show “The Walking Dead” to fight back. “The last one was in the eye because that’s the softest point of entry so I wanted to kill his brain for like a zombie, essentially,” she stated.

Although residents from her building watched the attack happen, they didn’t intervene because according to Newell, “they thought I was going to be dead either way and so they didn’t do anything. Other people didn’t want to approach someone with a knife.”

But, some did call 911. Once paramedics finally arrived, Newell was screaming for them to get away because she didn’t know if he was dead and she didn’t want him to try to kill them as well.

Four days later Meehan was pronounced dead and the nightmare her family had been living was finally over.

Terra Newell is still dealing with PTSD, but is trying to help others see the red flags and warning signs of someone like John Meehan. She’s also sharing her tips on what to do if you are attacked.

1. Run.

The first thing I did in my attack was John tried to grab me and I tried to flee from him right away because you have the most success rate of trying to run away from them.

2. Fight.

When you’re unable to run you’re going to do everything you can in your power to fight back. Right when you get grabbed immediately screaming. I was unable to disconnect and he tried to cover my mouth, bite as hard as you can. Never let them fully cover your mouth because you won’t be able to scream for help. I bit him and I don’t think he tried to cover my mouth after that because I bit him really hard. He started punching me and my automatic response was to hold my arm and purse up to my chest.

That’s one thing that really saved me because instead of getting stabbed in my chest, I got stabbed in my arm.[During the fight] I ended up on the floor, which was a really good scenario for me. When you’re on the ground it’s important to use all of your legs because they have the most power in your body.

3. Kick.

You’re going to kick and pedal kick as hard as you can. I actually had someone message me and told me they did this the other day and got out of an attack, so using your legs is really important and key. If they have a knife, control it in the fight. If they’re coming down on you, you want to kick their forearm. You have more of a chance of making them let go of the knife because there’s a lot of nerves in the forearm. It’s the best spot to kick because you don’t want to kick the knife or the upper arm.

4. Bite.

When I bit John that’s when he dropped the knife. You want to pick up the knife as quickly as you can and start throwing back at them. Everything happens in a matter of seconds in a fight. Don’t even think about not grabbing the knife. Grab it right away. A lot of attackers don’t think you’re going to fight back. So you have the element of surprise and in their mind they’re confused for a second, which you can use to your advantage.Stab them in the head. You can kill their brain even if you don’t kill them. You will make them brain damaged and they won’t be able to think to get up and fight back.

5. Throw the weapon.

Toss the knife as far away from the body and then get away and start screaming for help. Watching “The Walking Dead”, “Dexter” and true crime shows. I remembered to hold the knife tightly because of an episode of Dexter.  I didn’t want to cut myself the way a character on the show did by not holding the knife tight enough. Also you don’t want to cut yourself because you don’t want to get your attacker’s blood in your wound.

“I think he was going to kill me no matter what. I think he was going to try to stick me in his trunk and get a ransom payment then bury me in the backyard of the Vegas house. He sent some emails to a lawyer saying that he was going to bury my mom there or her kids, Terra Newell revealed. “He was going to for sure kill us. He was either unable to get to my sister the night before or because I think my mom’s favorite sometimes. I’m the baby of the family. I’m also like my mom in some ways so I feel like it was going to be the best sting to her. At first we were all in shock.”

It’s been over three years since the attack and Terra Newell is now in therapy once a week to manage her PTSD, gives back as often as she can to others experiencing domestic abuse and enjoys spending time with her family who she says “are closer than ever.”

To learn more about Terra check out her podcast Time Out With Terra.

 

Cambodian Genocide Survivor Sunchea Phou Lauches YaY Novelty to Help Other Survivors

In 1975, the Khmer Rouge gained control of the Cambodian government with the goal of transforming the country into a communist state. For four years, millions of people were forced from the cities into labor camps where an estimated 1.7 million died–mostly men and people who were educated so the regime could dominate the population easier. Sunchea Phou is a Cambodian genocide survivor. This is her story.

By: Heather Newgen | Twitter: @hnvoluntourist

“I was 5 or 6 -years -old and still remember the [gun] fire going back and forth over the buildings”, Phou revealed as she talked about what it was like to escape Cambodia during the genocide.

21 to 24 percent of the population was killed from starvation, torture, abuse and execution.

“My father is one of them who died. They took him to the killing field. We were told my brother was buried alive because he was sick and they don’t treat sick people. They just bury them. Another brother died after the war because there was no medical help,” she said.

Cambodian Genocide Cambodian genocide survivor Sunchea Phou delivers needed supplies to Cambodia
Photo courtesy of Sunchea Phou

Phou and her mother fled Cambodia, which saved their lives, but the two endured unthinkable circumstances along their journey.

“My mom and I escaped the country. We walked for a month. We went through the forest and crossed the Thai border to try to get into the refugee camp. Finally we got into the camp, but we were illegal. We had to worry about thieves coming almost every day. They were heavily armed coming into the refugee camp to either rape or rob people. You have to be alert every night. People would scream, “the thieves are coming,” and you have to grab whatever you can and run,” Phou told The Voluntourist at the International Travel Goods Show in Las Vegas.

“I remember one day I was so sick and tired that I told my mom, “You have to run. I need to sleep.” She dragged me out of bed and we had to run,” she continued. “For five years we lived in that camp. Some people don’t want to run. What they did in the evening after dinner, people would head to the ditch, which was full of pee and poo. Everyone would lay their mat down and sleep over it because they would be closer to the soldiers that way. The thieves wouldn’t come close to the soldiers. So every night they tried to move their families closer to them.”

Cambodian Genocide Cambodian genocide survivor Sunchea Phou delivers needed supplies to Cambodia
Photo courtesy of Sunchea Phou

Phou explained even if you make it through the horrible camp conditions, there was no guarantee you would be okay.

“There’s a lot of tragedy in the camps. We’re all illegal and you have to have an ID. The first wave, the first people who escape right after the war, gets the ID right away. The second wave gets ID right away. The third wave, the last people to escape the country, we cannot get the ID to get out.”

She added, “But here’s the thing. Even if you get an ID, you aren’t automatically immigrated. You have to pass an interview test. If you cannot pass the interview test, then you are sent back to Cambodia. Whoever passes the interview test is then sent to another camp where you have to pass a health test. If you cannot pass that test, you are sent back to Cambodia.”

Going back to Cambodia wasn’t an option for some, and to help their families have a chance of getting through the exhaustive interview process they sacrificed themselves.

Cambodian Genocide Cambodian genocide survivor
Photo courtesy of Sunchea Phou

“My friend was sick and he couldn’t get immigrated. He didn’t want to be a burden to his family so he hanged himself next to my room. My neighbor woke me up in the middle of the night and told me.”

Phou was a teenager when she made it out of the camp with her mom. The two began a new life, but again with many new challenges.

“It’s a long five years in the camp. When I was finally immigrated to Canada, we had no money and no education. We had two boxes of clothes, that’s it. I was put in school right away. I was 13 and they placed me in the 7th grade. I spoke no French at all and then after school I would help my mom sew because we didn’t have any money.”

Although Phou’s formidable situation was overwhelming, she beat the odds and excelled in school, which led to a career in design. She worked for powerhouse companies like REI, Eddie Bauer and Nike where she helped designed NFL uniforms for the Seattle Seahawks before launching YaY Novelty , a lifestyle and accessories brand with the most creative and colorful wallets, totes and newly created gratitude jars.

“I combined fun with function and sell expression. I’ve met a lot of people who can’t express themselves,” Phou said. In addition, “YaY is my solution to creating a product people need, but also helping other Cambodian genocide survivors.”

20% of the proceeds help the remaining Cambodian genocide survivors still living in Cambodia.

“Many of the survivors are in their 80s and there’s no help for them. The Cambodian genocide killed all the husbands and kids, so there’s nobody to take care of them. Several rely on their neighbors to get food every day. They live in terrible conditions. There’s holes in their roofs. They sleep on the ground so when it’s flooded, the sewer and rain water mix together and [it reaches their bed]. It’s a nightmare. I went there personally and I want to create a nursing home where they don’t need to worry about where they’re going to get three meals a day.”

Phou helps the people of Cambodia as much as she can and considers herself lucky. “I was able access education, but a lot of people they send back to Cambodia and they couldn’t escape. Their life was much harder.”

She has personally funded the construction of a new school, delivered food and supplies to needy families in Cambodia and is working towards building the nursing home for survivors.

For more information on Phou and YaY Novelty, visit www.yaynovelty.com

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